Prairies Road Trip Adventure - Day 1

We landed in Winnipeg late last night to thunder and lightning and rough winds.  We heard that there had been a few tornadoes that had passed through.  We were glad that our plane had landed safely.

It was past 10:00 when we got to our hotel so there was not much to do but get ready for bed.  Though it is a nice hotel, the double beds are small when you share them with children who like to sleep in the middle.

This morning we found our way to the Assiniboine zoo to see the polar bear exhibit.  We saw many amazing animals, moose and bison, peacocks and owls, lions and tigers, and of course polar bears!

It was a hot day, so by the end we were tired an zooed out.  We came back to our hotel to rest.  Aveen took a nap, his first nap since he was three years old.  Then we went swimming in the hotel pool.

In the evening, we headed out to the Winnipeg Forks where the Assiniboine meets the Red River.  We ate dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory and then walked around the Forks. 

First impressions of Winnipeg - sprawling prairie city.  Very gentle and friendly people.  Super good service.  Everyone decides we need something better and gives it to us with no extra charge. Bigger room, free juice and toast at breakfast, a replacement dinner.  Do you know how much complaining I would have to do to get that in Ottawa?

On the way back from our hotel, we saw a real arrest go down.  A guy running. Police cars.  The guy being held to the ground being arrested.  That was a bit scary.

Back at the hotel now, we are having some quiet time.

Defying Gravity

This month, I've felt like I've been defying gravity.  For about four years, I tried very hard to reach a certain level at work (an EX-01).  I really wanted it.  Why?  I guess we just all want to move up in the world.  It seems a better direction than down.  And it is hard when your bosses get younger and younger than you. 

I almost got an EX-01 at my last job.  I excelled at my job and was told that I was "almost" ready for the EX-01, and I would get there, no problem.  Next time.  Next job.  It would be mine. 

Except it wasn't.  Over and over again. I worked my hardest and did everything they told me I needed to do to get the job, but it was never good enough.  What they really wanted was for me to change who I was.  Then I realized, after a long time, that they really just wanted someone else.

My last year at that job was a disaster.  A lot of things happened, but the main thing that happened was that I was diagnosed with cancer, and I was really never able to get back "into" work at that job.  I left it to go to my current job. But that proved to be a long hard road too. 

A month ago, something good happened.  My Director asked me to take on an acting EX-01 for my supervisor who is on maternity leave.  I've been doing this for a month, and I've felt like I've been defying gravity (just like the song). Things have been pulling me down constantly since my cancer diagnosis, and having this happen to me is like defying the general downward pulling force. 

I am loving the job so far. Its not just the level.  I have a lot of interesting issues and individuals to interact with, and I am trusted with a lot of responsibility.  And I feel fully engaged, and I feel that my boss (in addition to being older than me) trusts me and likes me the way I am.  And that has made a huge difference to how I feel about things, including myself.

I can't say how much it has meant to me to have something good happen to me.  Because it has felt like, in the last two years, my "good" is the absence of bad.  I have to be grateful for every clear medical test.  Of every cancer-free day.  And I am grateful.  For every minute of it.  And I don't ever forget it.

But some days, it isn't enough.  I need some lucky breaks too.  I need good things to happen.  When I was going through the cancer ordeal, I wondered how I could ever have been anything less than ecstatic with my life when I didn't have cancer.  I vowed to be happy with my life just the way it was if I could just be okay.  

Yet, I haven't been able to do that.  A surprisingly high number of crappy things have happened that are completely unrelated to cancer, and it turns out that those things make me unhappy too.

I have also done an amazingly high number of truly wonderful things too.  I've seen my young children get older and develop into lovely older children and kind people.  I've travelled to amazing places with my family (and a few awesome weekends with friends), I've learned to dance (and loved it!) - just to name a few.

So I'm not saying that there haven't been many special things.  But I guess I just felt like the universe might throw a bit of good luck my way (and not just the absence of bad luck), and it surprised me when that didn't particularly happen and there were still crappy things to deal with.  I know that is life.  We are never "entitled" to anything.  The most worthwhile things come to us only when we work for them.

So, on the one hand, I feel that my current job situation is good luck.  On the other hand, I have worked really hard for it for many years.  The lucky part is that all the stars just lined up in my favour this time, and my Director liked me and decided to take a chance on me.

It is temporary.  Soon enough, I will be back to being bossed around by someone much younger than me.  But I am living in the present and enjoying this moment.  When it is over, maybe there will be some other good luck, not because I'm entitled to it, but because I have earned it.   

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