Parenting is so much about letting go - at the right time.
Today, we drove Aveen to Camp where he will be for two weeks. Two weeks! It seems like such a long time to let him go. But. There was no one week option for his age group. And why do I think it is important let him go to camp at all?
I want to let him have this experience. To enjoy the outdoors, learn to do things like kayaking and sailing that we can't teach him, to make friends, to learn to take care of himself, to be independent. I want my kids to learn to be independent, because it is important, and I don't think I am very independent.
Of course, it is difficult to know exactly when they are ready and how much independence they are ready for. Aveen went to the same camp last year for a week and had a great time. However, he was ready to come back after the week last year. Hopefully, two weeks won't be too long for him. It will be long for me.
After the longish drive today, once we got there, Aveen hugged us and said, "Okay, bye." As in, "Please go away now," in a nice way.
Are you kidding me? We just got here.
As much as I wanted to stay for a swim in the lake and lunch, we settled for a walk during which we ran into Aveen again. He gave us a look that said, "Why are you still here?" So we finally got the hint and left.
We drove back, stopping for lunch in a cute town, shopping at A Touch of Whimsy, and taking the scenic way back.
At the pool, Amrita got pushed into the pool by accident by three bigger boys. As she sobbed, she said, "It's funny that this happened just the day Aveen left. Now he won't know about it for two weeks."
I'm not the only one who misses Aveen.
Monday 29 July 2013
Friday 26 July 2013
I am a secret agent
One of my classmates, whose first language is not English and is having a tough time, asked me how he can pass the French oral exam. He says he can pass any exam, but not the French oral exam.
This is the advice I gave him: " You have to suspend who you are and play a role. You have to be a figure skater who doesn't fall on the double and triple axils."
I have suspended who I am in French class. My lovely, bubbly afternoon French teacher has no idea what my last six months have really been. I maintain a light and airy existence insofar as French class is concerned and she thinks my life is all about swimming at a tennis club and soccer practices and socials. Which it sort of is at the moment. But not really.
I've even lied about my job. As far as my French class is concerned, I still work on the CPP. Because I haven't really worked since I switched files. I know the CPP vocabulary. I know the issues. My teachers don't even bother to ask me about my work. They say I already know that.
I lie about other things too. To stay within the role.
Maybe this is what a secret agent feels like.
This is the advice I gave him: " You have to suspend who you are and play a role. You have to be a figure skater who doesn't fall on the double and triple axils."
I have suspended who I am in French class. My lovely, bubbly afternoon French teacher has no idea what my last six months have really been. I maintain a light and airy existence insofar as French class is concerned and she thinks my life is all about swimming at a tennis club and soccer practices and socials. Which it sort of is at the moment. But not really.
I've even lied about my job. As far as my French class is concerned, I still work on the CPP. Because I haven't really worked since I switched files. I know the CPP vocabulary. I know the issues. My teachers don't even bother to ask me about my work. They say I already know that.
I lie about other things too. To stay within the role.
Maybe this is what a secret agent feels like.
Monday 22 July 2013
Today, I am mad
Because I can't speak French using the correct rules of grammar with allese.
Because some days I can't speak French at all. Or even English.
Because today I found la formation especially difficult and boring.
Any why do I have to keep learning the same rules over and over again and why can I still never use the rules properly?
How can I have been learning French all my life and still not be able to speak it?
And why did this package of shrimp need to be defrosted when the others don't?
And why is there soccer practice again today after we just came back from a whole weekend of it and didn't do anything else?
And why do I have to deal with having had cancer all the rest of my life? Why can I never forget it, even for a minute or a second?
And why do I still have a cold?
And why can't something work out easily or simply for a change?
Because some days I can't speak French at all. Or even English.
Because today I found la formation especially difficult and boring.
Any why do I have to keep learning the same rules over and over again and why can I still never use the rules properly?
How can I have been learning French all my life and still not be able to speak it?
And why did this package of shrimp need to be defrosted when the others don't?
And why is there soccer practice again today after we just came back from a whole weekend of it and didn't do anything else?
And why do I have to deal with having had cancer all the rest of my life? Why can I never forget it, even for a minute or a second?
And why do I still have a cold?
And why can't something work out easily or simply for a change?
Sunday 21 July 2013
International Sign of Respect
When children play soccer and a player is injured, all members of both teams rest on one knee with their hands folded together in respect of the injured player. When said player gets up, or is carried off the field, everyone claps. I find this sign of respect from young boys very touching.
And at the end of the game, my son's team started a ritual where they form a bridge cheering the other team's name. It is interesting to see how the other team reacts to this. Often they are confused, then surprised, then they participate, and return the bridge. It changes the tone of the ending of the game, no matter who wins. Then they run and give the parents high fives. I don't go to all of Aveen's soccer games (they both Amrita out of her wits), but this ritual is so sweet that it always makes me cry.
In fact, the boys themselves were crying after their game today, defeated 3 - nothing. And Aveen was in net for the second half and had two goals scored on him. He is always in net because he is an awesome goalie - he almost always catches the ball and boots across the field. But when they lose a game, as goalie, he feels solely responsible for losing the game, which he shouldn't because it is a team sport.
Many of the parents were riled up with the game. The other team pushed and shoved, the referee was unfair, the other coach kept yelling at our coach. All that was true. But the kids would not have been upset had the grown-ups not been yelling. And no one got hurt. And we finished early.
And it was a great weekend! The team played two great games on Saturday. The motel looked less Psycho like in the morning and turned out to have a great pool where we swam twice. Amrita made friends with two other younger sisters who came along. And the summer spinach salad at Swiss Chalet was not so bad. And the boys had a GREAT time. And the parents - aside from being a bit intense about soccer - were really nice. And I feel a lot better than I did on Friday. I even picked up vegetables from the Kingston market but then couldn't choke down kale and cawliflower curry - in fact, I can't even spell it. We had pasta with tomato and basil sauce instead.
So, yes, a soccer weekend can indeed cure a cold, as long as it comes with a pool!
And at the end of the game, my son's team started a ritual where they form a bridge cheering the other team's name. It is interesting to see how the other team reacts to this. Often they are confused, then surprised, then they participate, and return the bridge. It changes the tone of the ending of the game, no matter who wins. Then they run and give the parents high fives. I don't go to all of Aveen's soccer games (they both Amrita out of her wits), but this ritual is so sweet that it always makes me cry.
In fact, the boys themselves were crying after their game today, defeated 3 - nothing. And Aveen was in net for the second half and had two goals scored on him. He is always in net because he is an awesome goalie - he almost always catches the ball and boots across the field. But when they lose a game, as goalie, he feels solely responsible for losing the game, which he shouldn't because it is a team sport.
Many of the parents were riled up with the game. The other team pushed and shoved, the referee was unfair, the other coach kept yelling at our coach. All that was true. But the kids would not have been upset had the grown-ups not been yelling. And no one got hurt. And we finished early.
And it was a great weekend! The team played two great games on Saturday. The motel looked less Psycho like in the morning and turned out to have a great pool where we swam twice. Amrita made friends with two other younger sisters who came along. And the summer spinach salad at Swiss Chalet was not so bad. And the boys had a GREAT time. And the parents - aside from being a bit intense about soccer - were really nice. And I feel a lot better than I did on Friday. I even picked up vegetables from the Kingston market but then couldn't choke down kale and cawliflower curry - in fact, I can't even spell it. We had pasta with tomato and basil sauce instead.
So, yes, a soccer weekend can indeed cure a cold, as long as it comes with a pool!
Friday 19 July 2013
Travels with the soccer team
So we travelled through the driving rain, thunder and lightning, and funnel clouds. We are now in a sketchy motel at the edge of town. The rain is still coming down. The only entertainment is the streaks of lightning. Aveen is coughing. There is a DVD player. We should have brought Downton Abbey. Tomorrow, we may skip the complementary breakfast and head to the nearby McDonalds.
Onward Ho
This afternoon, we leave for a soccer tournament in Kingston. Unfortunately, I woke up with a terrible sore throat this morning. Aveen has had a cold for the last two weeks. Let's hope that staying in a less-than-comfortable looking motel and playing and watching soccer in the hot sun (or thunderstorm or tornado) all weekend and going out for a group dinner late is the answer!
On Sunday, I will let you know if that did the trick.....
On Sunday, I will let you know if that did the trick.....
Monday 15 July 2013
The Heat is On
Week 3 of Summer.
This week, we contend with tennis camp, which is mornings only - with rotating and creative childcare in the afternoon - and the second week of French. It was the pronom relative today. Our assignment was to write a text using the passé, with the subjunctive, pronom object direct and indirect, a verb ending with a preposition, and a pronom relative. It made for rather convoluted writing.
And we are in the midst of a heat wave. Air conditions are broken or are not able to cool down houses. Throughout the city, people can't sleep. Children are lethargic and soccer practices are shortened. There is a run on freezies. My daughter, who does not eat fruit on principle, resorts in desperation to watermelon.
It is the season of plenty. Every fruit is in season - mango, leechie nuts, strawberries, cherries. Soon it will be wild blueberries. It is mid-summer in Ottawa.
I have never before swum everyday in the summer. This is a first.
And I should be only watching French television, but it is too tempting to keep watching Downton Abbey.
This week, we contend with tennis camp, which is mornings only - with rotating and creative childcare in the afternoon - and the second week of French. It was the pronom relative today. Our assignment was to write a text using the passé, with the subjunctive, pronom object direct and indirect, a verb ending with a preposition, and a pronom relative. It made for rather convoluted writing.
And we are in the midst of a heat wave. Air conditions are broken or are not able to cool down houses. Throughout the city, people can't sleep. Children are lethargic and soccer practices are shortened. There is a run on freezies. My daughter, who does not eat fruit on principle, resorts in desperation to watermelon.
It is the season of plenty. Every fruit is in season - mango, leechie nuts, strawberries, cherries. Soon it will be wild blueberries. It is mid-summer in Ottawa.
I have never before swum everyday in the summer. This is a first.
And I should be only watching French television, but it is too tempting to keep watching Downton Abbey.
Saturday 13 July 2013
Today I am a little sad
Because I have had to say good-bye to two friends.
One friend who lived around the corner and is moving away. I walked by her house and it was dark and empty. Yesterday, I saw the moving trucks in front of her house. I feel sad for myself and Aveen who was her son's friend. And what is better for a child than having a friend just around the corner?
And today I also said good-bye to another dear friend who is going back to her posting. She will be back, and we have had a good visit, and we will be linked by continuous e-mail. But still. She is going to be far for another year.
The pool was closed for cleaning today, so that was disappointing. We went twice, expecting to swim, as it was supposed to be open but it was not but it was supposed to re-open but then it didn't. It would have been such a great day to swim. Aveen and Amrita were hot and disappointed but not as much as me! I felt some of those pains that really haven't been bothering me all week as long as I swim every day. The pool better be open tomorrow!
One accomplishment is that I found a place for us to stay in New York the last week of August when we are planning to go. It looks like a lovely brownstone which is what I wanted to get the true New York experience. (In fact, I wanted a brownstone in Brooklyn but didn't find the right one.) There wasn't very much available at an affordable price at this relatively late date. Most of the places look very crammed in large apartment buildings. This one looks quite beautiful with two stories and a terrace and is near Central Park. I can't believe I am actually booking a trip again!
One friend who lived around the corner and is moving away. I walked by her house and it was dark and empty. Yesterday, I saw the moving trucks in front of her house. I feel sad for myself and Aveen who was her son's friend. And what is better for a child than having a friend just around the corner?
And today I also said good-bye to another dear friend who is going back to her posting. She will be back, and we have had a good visit, and we will be linked by continuous e-mail. But still. She is going to be far for another year.
The pool was closed for cleaning today, so that was disappointing. We went twice, expecting to swim, as it was supposed to be open but it was not but it was supposed to re-open but then it didn't. It would have been such a great day to swim. Aveen and Amrita were hot and disappointed but not as much as me! I felt some of those pains that really haven't been bothering me all week as long as I swim every day. The pool better be open tomorrow!
One accomplishment is that I found a place for us to stay in New York the last week of August when we are planning to go. It looks like a lovely brownstone which is what I wanted to get the true New York experience. (In fact, I wanted a brownstone in Brooklyn but didn't find the right one.) There wasn't very much available at an affordable price at this relatively late date. Most of the places look very crammed in large apartment buildings. This one looks quite beautiful with two stories and a terrace and is near Central Park. I can't believe I am actually booking a trip again!
Tuesday 9 July 2013
French, Swimming and Downton Abbey
My days are now filled with learning French (good for getting back some concentration ), swimming at the Tennis Club (makes me feel much better physically - thanks to my friend for inviting me which led me to getting my own membership!) and watching Downton Abbey (which has been successful in keeping my attention - thanks to my friend for lending me the DVD!).
I got the pool membership for me and Amrita since Aveen is at soccer all the time. I feel a bit guilty for not having bought one for him too. He thinks I am obsessed with swimming and that "poor Amrita's childhood is being ruined with too much swimming". But poor Amrita is a fish and loves to swim almost as much as me, though she has requested that we go once every two or three days instead of everyday - not entirely unreasonable. But, no, we are going to go every day. Sorry.
I got the pool membership for me and Amrita since Aveen is at soccer all the time. I feel a bit guilty for not having bought one for him too. He thinks I am obsessed with swimming and that "poor Amrita's childhood is being ruined with too much swimming". But poor Amrita is a fish and loves to swim almost as much as me, though she has requested that we go once every two or three days instead of everyday - not entirely unreasonable. But, no, we are going to go every day. Sorry.
Monday 8 July 2013
Ici on parle francais
Today was the first day of my language training. It wasn't too bad. I have always liked school and learning to use the language part of my brain. So, as long as the teachers are good and the other students in the class are okay, I enjoy it. However, I did find it long, as I am not used to full days and I'm not used to yakking all day. Also I am tired from the weekend and have a bit of a cold.
Being back in "full time", I am now busy again, like everyone else. When I was at home, everyone else seemed to me to be so busy. It was as if my life had slowed down just when everyone else's had sped up. Or maybe only my pace had changed. And it was just the theory of relativity playing tricks on me. Now I feel like I am starting to catch up again. But I am going to pace myself.So this evening is all about eating extra spicy chicken curry to see if I can get rid of my cold. And putting everyone to bed early because we're all tired from the weekend!
Sunday 7 July 2013
Sudden Death (but still a silver medal)
It was a lovely, meandering sort of weekend, the sort you can only have in early July, with the whole of summer still ahead of you.
It started on Friday evening with a swim at the tennis club. Though the skies were threatening and the water cold, it is always wonderful to swim. Afterwards, we ran into our friends and dallied over liquid freezies and coffee. We came home and played a family game of Apples to Apples (which is quite a good game for parents!).
The rest of the weekend was a lot (but no means all) about soccer as it was another tournament weekend. So while Jaime and Aveen were at soccer, Amrita and I made our way back to the pool and then to our friend's house where we were having a wonderful reunion dinner with another set of friends on vacation mid-way through their posting overseas. It was a quintessential summer evening, perfectly warm with some breeze. We sat on the patio and ate and chatted until the wee hours (past 10:00 which are the wee hours when you have to be on the soccer field in Blackburn Hamlet by 8:00 the next morning).
We didn't sleep for very long last night. The wake-up came far too early. Aveen and Jaime left early, and a friend of Amrita's came over. A friend of mine then picked us up and we went to the Farmer's Market where there was face painting, organic vegetables (kale and colliflower curry tonight), lunch at the tennis club, and (of course) a swim.
Then we rushed to the soccer game as Aveen's team had made it to the Finals. It was a close and exciting game, tied at 1:1 at the end. The game went into overtime. Alas, the other team scored and it was "sudden death" for Aveen's team. They still won the silver medal and only lost gold by 1 point in a Tier 1 tournament despite being a Tier 2 team - more exciting (for me) than Wimmbleton!
Tomorrow, I start language training. Another milestone.
It started on Friday evening with a swim at the tennis club. Though the skies were threatening and the water cold, it is always wonderful to swim. Afterwards, we ran into our friends and dallied over liquid freezies and coffee. We came home and played a family game of Apples to Apples (which is quite a good game for parents!).
The rest of the weekend was a lot (but no means all) about soccer as it was another tournament weekend. So while Jaime and Aveen were at soccer, Amrita and I made our way back to the pool and then to our friend's house where we were having a wonderful reunion dinner with another set of friends on vacation mid-way through their posting overseas. It was a quintessential summer evening, perfectly warm with some breeze. We sat on the patio and ate and chatted until the wee hours (past 10:00 which are the wee hours when you have to be on the soccer field in Blackburn Hamlet by 8:00 the next morning).
We didn't sleep for very long last night. The wake-up came far too early. Aveen and Jaime left early, and a friend of Amrita's came over. A friend of mine then picked us up and we went to the Farmer's Market where there was face painting, organic vegetables (kale and colliflower curry tonight), lunch at the tennis club, and (of course) a swim.
Then we rushed to the soccer game as Aveen's team had made it to the Finals. It was a close and exciting game, tied at 1:1 at the end. The game went into overtime. Alas, the other team scored and it was "sudden death" for Aveen's team. They still won the silver medal and only lost gold by 1 point in a Tier 1 tournament despite being a Tier 2 team - more exciting (for me) than Wimmbleton!
Tomorrow, I start language training. Another milestone.
Friday 5 July 2013
Turns out that riding a horse is good therapy
We went to Montebello this weekend, and it was almost exactly how I imagined it would be.
The weather cleared up, just as we arrived (in less than hour, via the new Highway 50). We were able to play tennis and mini-golf and go swimming in the outdoor pool (which is way nicer than the Chateau Montebello's indoor pool). It was my first swim since it all happened and it was wonderful! We stayed in the pool almost the whole weekend!
In the evening, we took at walk along the river and passed a stable. Amrita remembered the pony rides she took in Paris a few years ago. She wanted to try horse back riding. So, the next day, Amrita and I decided to try it. Amrita rode a black horse named Fury while I was led to a brown horse named Jessie. The guide promised to take good care of Amrita and we started off on our path alongside the river and then through the woods.
Jessie proved to be a fairly well behaved horse. She surprised me from time to time by picking up quite a bit of speed going down slopes but was mostly co-operative. Riding a horse was both thrilling and relaxing and a little bit scary. Especially down hills. And hanging for dear life turns out to be a good way to really be present in the moment, which is my goal.
After all that swimming and horseback riding and tennis, I had that really good achy feeling which I hadn't felt in a long time. I was sad when it went away.
Back in the city, a friend invited me and Amrita as guests to an outdoor pool club and we had such a nice time that I bought a membership for us. So now I can go swimming in an outdoor pool all summer and hopefully have that nice feeling all summer!
The weather cleared up, just as we arrived (in less than hour, via the new Highway 50). We were able to play tennis and mini-golf and go swimming in the outdoor pool (which is way nicer than the Chateau Montebello's indoor pool). It was my first swim since it all happened and it was wonderful! We stayed in the pool almost the whole weekend!
In the evening, we took at walk along the river and passed a stable. Amrita remembered the pony rides she took in Paris a few years ago. She wanted to try horse back riding. So, the next day, Amrita and I decided to try it. Amrita rode a black horse named Fury while I was led to a brown horse named Jessie. The guide promised to take good care of Amrita and we started off on our path alongside the river and then through the woods.
Jessie proved to be a fairly well behaved horse. She surprised me from time to time by picking up quite a bit of speed going down slopes but was mostly co-operative. Riding a horse was both thrilling and relaxing and a little bit scary. Especially down hills. And hanging for dear life turns out to be a good way to really be present in the moment, which is my goal.
After all that swimming and horseback riding and tennis, I had that really good achy feeling which I hadn't felt in a long time. I was sad when it went away.
Back in the city, a friend invited me and Amrita as guests to an outdoor pool club and we had such a nice time that I bought a membership for us. So now I can go swimming in an outdoor pool all summer and hopefully have that nice feeling all summer!
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