Better Now

I am better now. I guess that because if what had happened to me doesn't mean that I will not get sick with the flu or something else ever again. Or that I will have very good luck for a long time, as I feel entitled to. Because things don't just even out in life. There is no Even Steven.

However, I guess that it also doesn't mean that every time I get sick, it will be that. Maybe it will be just the flu. I know that, but how do I believe that? And how do I know if, ever, it is that thing, which is also quite possible? The doctors are not, after all, just checking me every 3 months for no reason (billable hours aside).

I just don't like it. I don't like that I will have to deal with this all my life, even though I know that I was very lucky. And I know that I am only slightly more on the edge than everyone else. 

I go back to what my specialist told me. "I'm sorry it has to be like to be like this. But I don't think you should live I fear."

I'm not doing a great job of that yet.