The March Break is Over

The March Break is over.  This is why I know.

 

If the March Break were not over, I would not care that I had forgotten my password to log onto my work e-mail.  I would not care that that it took 15 minutes to log on (after I remembered my password) because my workstation had been upgraded to Windows 7 while I was away.  I would not raise my eyebrows that it took me about 10 times longer to retrieve my MyLearning Account username than to actually complete the mandatory online training. 

 

I would not be trying to complete 5 hours of homework and piano practice with my daughter in half an hour.  I would not be cooking the next day’s dinner today to make sure we can eat before a 6:00 soccer try-out and piano practice.

 

I would not be sitting, waiting to get an x-ray of my spine (for osteoporosis – don’t ask) at the lab near my work – the very one where they forgot to send my doctor my original ultrasound report.  I have long thought about this lab, and what I would do if I had to go there again (which I do, because I will be having tests for the rest of my life and it is the only one in downtown Ottawa).  I pictured demanding to see a copy of the “investigative report” that my doctor asked for (which said nothing except my report fell through the cracks).  I pictured asking them if they realized what such a mistake could mean for a person.  I thought about asking, at least, if they planned to send my doctor the x-ray report this time.  However, I didn’t do any of that.  I waited, did my test, said thank you and left.  Really, what else could I do that would do any good?  My doctor’s office has already changed its procedures as a result of what happened to me so that they follow up with patients to see if they have gone for the tests they were supposed to take and with labs and specialists for the reports.  This is the only good that can come out of what happened to me.  (Also, I urge everyone to follow up themselves with their doctors, because I have learned that no news does not always mean good news.)  So I behaved myself.

 

So here I am.  The March Break is over.  And I am one week closer to April – I don’t know whether I want to be closer or not.  Uncertainty is difficult, but I tell myself that it is better than having the worst confirmed, though it is worse than having good news confirmed!  And good news is what I am aiming for.  Hoping for.

 

Because hope is the opposite of fear.  And today, at this moment, I am giving myself permission to hope.

 

P.S.  Thank you for all your warm and supportive e-mails after my last post – they mean the world to me.