What I learned at my yoga retreat

I went on my yoga retreat for many reasons.  I have always wanted to go on a yoga retreat.  I had three days of holiday time that I still needed to take (or lose) before March 31st.  I had already taken the March Break off to spend with my kids, and Jaime couldn`t take any holidays.  And I didn`t want to just take the time off to do nothing (though I would have, rather than lose it).

Then I saw this yoga retreat - March 25 to 27th - perfect!  I was so excited, just like when I would sign up for interesting courses in school and university.  My excitement was only dampened by two things.  One, that I would be leaving my family and going alone, and, two, that it was the week before my ultrasound and therefore I would have this worry looming over me.  I would have much preferred to go afterwards, hopefully worry-free.  However, as Jaime says, my life can`t be perpetually on hold as I wait for tests and appointments and results.  Not ideal, but I had paid for it and it was non-refundable, so off I went.

Now I know that this retreat was good to go on before my test.  It has filled me with a sense of peace and strength that I haven`t felt for a long time, and that I will need this week.  Right now, I am not scared.  I don`t know what will come of the week, though I believe it will be fine.  I acknowledge that I can`t know what the result will be and that there is a possibility that it won`t be good, but I believe that I will be fine.  I am not even thinking about it, because I am enjoying today.  Today.  Sunday.  A restful day with not much that I have to do.

Despite falling off my bed (and the subsequent back pain that I now have and which I hope will disappear soon, because I want to do yoga and swim again and the next session of my dance class starts this week!), the retreat was very good for me from a spiritual and physical perspective.  Waking up early, going for silent walks, yoga morning and evening, meditation, and good food were all very good for me.  Even getting to know, in a very short period of time, a group of people that I really had nothing in common with (except a love of yoga) and forming a connection with them is good for the soul. 

My yoga teacher was amazing and very inspiring for me.  She was beautiful, vibrant, healthy and young.  Yet she had just finished radiation treatment for cancer.  It was her first day back at work.  And I never would have guessed!  She was so full of positive energy!  She had a sense of peace, despite what she had been through, that I certainly did not have the first day I went back to work, when I could barely talk to anyone, and I still barely have. 

Beyond the physical aspect of yoga, I have always found peace and inspiration in the spiritual aspect of it.  Even without any formal meditation, my yoga teachers have always offered some meditative component, talking us through the breathing and the postures, trying to keep our mind grounded and present.  The best yoga teachers also infuse humour into it. In my experience, it is better therapy than anything a psychologist could offer me.

What did I learn from this yoga teacher and retreat?  I learned that I can breathe positive energy into my body and soul and that I can imagine myself at my destination, even when I am not quite there yet.  For example, in our mediation sessions, my yoga teacher said to pick a word (e.g. love or calmness) and breathe it into our bodies.  She said to pick a goal (such as to be healthy or strong or courageous) and tell ourselves that we are.

So I am going to give myself these gifts, as I travel through this week ahead.

I am healthy.

I am strong.

I am courageous.

I am calm.

I am.